From Anxious to Excited

After about a year of trying to manage my anxiety in a healthier way, I’ve got some stories to share.

So, rewind to this time last year: I hadn’t been on a plane in like 7 years (maybe more), hadn’t stayed in a hotel much, especially not for long, and definitely not by myself. I wasn’t doing anything particularly physically demanding. I was petrified when I went to SF for GDC last year (so many people!), and generally just didn’t love being around large crowds. I was afraid of a lot of stuff. So yeah, basically, a bit of a wreck.

And I hit a breaking point. I don’t like being like that. I’m actually super outgoing, I love to travel, I love doing fun things. I am not built for the anxious lifestyle.

So here we are, a full year later. What happened?

Trip 1: Overnight to Tiburon

Small potatoes for most, but HUGE for me. I really didn’t like being away from home, so this felt like a good low-risk move: close to home, short stay. This is basically what’s called a "fear ladder." I ranked my fears and planned incremental steps. For example: scared of hotels? Stay close to home first.

The result? Totally fine. A little freaked out on that long bridge to Marin, but otherwise good. My wife was with me and super supportive. Major win.

Trip 2: LA (Flight #1 in a Decade)

The build-up to Hawaii continued. This time we flew JSX from Concord to Burbank, kinda semi-private, crazy expensive but super chill.

It was my first flight in like 7-10 years. And I was OK! I used everything I’d learned from The Anxious Truth book. I leaned into the fear and treated it as growth. Fear setting helped: What happens if I don’t do this? The consequence of not facing it felt way worse than sitting with the fear.

Flight back? Even easier.

Trip 3: LA Again, Solo This Time

As my old boss said, "We need repetitions." I knew from marathon training that repetition is everything.

This time I flew from Oakland, alone, on Southwest. Way harder. Security and airports in general are super triggering for me. I had a bit of a freakout pre-flight, but I told myself, "There’s no way you’re not getting on that plane." One second at a time, breathe, focus. Takeoff is the worst, but once I’m in the air, I’m fine.

Then Life Happened

Plans got shuffled due to animal sickness. I spent the rest of 2024 doing pottery, taking care of my critters, and adjusting to a new administration.

Now it’s March 1st, 2025. I just turned 40. I’m excited. I’m still anxious. I’m thinking about flying over an ocean and imagining all the worst-case scenarios, but I will endure.

I’ve got my cozy outfit, my stuffed animal, my Switch (yes, I’m a child), and a ridiculous number of snacks. My friend used to call me a human pinata. I prefer to think of it as a 5-hour snack-fueled movie session in the sky.

I had my usual freakout at the airport. Popped in my headphones. Wrote in my journal (seriously helps, highly recommend). And told myself: there’s no way we’re turning back now.

Yeah, I’m hard on myself. But I truly believe the only way out of anxiety is through the fear. You can take meds, but long term they can make it harder. So I breathe, remind myself that thoughts are just clouds passing by, and remember that the cure for my anxiety is confidence and creativity.

Hawaii, Finally

And just like that, we’re in Hawaii. Our favorite place.

But wait, bonus challenges! GDC for 3 days straight (completely fried my brain and social battery), then an immediate trip to Santa Cruz to visit family (total boss fight).

And I did it. All of it. I was exhausted, sure. Slept 10 hours a night for 3 days straight afterward, but I did it. No panic attacks. No bailouts. I breathed, I accepted the feelings, and let them pass. Like clouds.

So What Did I Learn?

I hope this post helps someone move toward their own goals. Or at least feel a little more seen. Anxiety is still part of my life. It’s constant. But each day is a new shot. Some are calm, some are tough. Accepting where I am in each moment helps me accept myself more too.